This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
