I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
