Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
