i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
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