His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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