my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
