Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
