I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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