i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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