oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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