where does the pee come out of this thing
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
