my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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