my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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