he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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