I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
