wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
