Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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