Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
