I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
