remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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