Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
