threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
