whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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