My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Pants are for mortals
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
