girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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