she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
