Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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