$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he shaved USA in his pubs
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
