I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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