If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
All the doctor said was why
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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