Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
