This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
