New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
