she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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