just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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