Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think my moral compass just broke
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
