I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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