i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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