If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
