Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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