why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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