So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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