last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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