I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize