I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
