how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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