i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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