We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So many bounce houses so little time
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
