i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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