i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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