I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
